It’s a good thing that I’ve learned to lower my expectations whenever I do an Asian porn site review, because 91porn.com would have fucked my entire day up if I had my hopes even a smidge up.
So, without the sweet vagina smell of Asian porn goggles clouding my judgment, I was able to assess 91porn.com for what it is: total trash, and not the kind of adult content you’d want to touch yourself to, either.
To be completely honest, it’s porn sites like 91porn.com that make me rue and lament why I even bother doing a fine-ass review for Asian porn. But, as I’ve said many times before: I’m a motherfucking optimist, and no ni hao ma-spewing son of a bitch is going to change that. That’s to say, I always look at the bright side.
In 91porn’s case, though, the bright side is I have an updated antivirus program installed in my computer, although I don’t know how effective it might be against these fucking Chinese and their shady-ass online hacking tactics. Dammit.
It would have been better if 91porn had ZERO porn at all, because this site irks my dirty ass right down to my laziest spermatozoa. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let me give you some background on what this piece of shit site is all about.
91porn.com is an Asian porn website that’s dedicated to Chinese whore videos. You can’t tell it by the server name, because in true Chinese fashion, this fucker tries to pass itself off as a one of those regular fap flick places (i.e. a site that contains all sorts of putas, bitchi-desus, and straight up ho-bags), and then ends up giving you low-quality garbage.
So, it’s pretty much everything you’d expect from a Chinese product. And I’m not talking about the kind supervised by Adidas and Nike’s sweatshops, either; this is the kind you see being sold by some random Lao Shi inside an opium den.
Videos? What Videos?
And let’s not forget about how, again, in the most Chinese of Chinese ways, 91porn.com is fucking shady as FUCK. Bu, Xie Xie, motherfucker.
This is the kind of site that makes itself appear like a friendly Asian porn hub you could whip that clit out to, but might end up stealing your shit, which is pretty much what the Chinese do with the rest of the world. Seriously, fuck those guys.
One minute, you’re Cletus from Scottsdale Arizona Country, just trolling the internet for some Asian porn videos. The next, your e mail is being used by some janky wangba dan in “14455 N Hayden Road” to get data points for their votes scam and “investment opportunities”. Shit, you just wanted to rub one out, and now you’re an international criminal.
Fuck it, I won’t even wait for my conclusion section to say this: stay the fuck away from this La Shi if you value your server IP and data sources.
91 Porn Problems and The Bitch is One
So, what exactly will you find if you lost your mind and decided to visit the Shi Dong that is 91porn.com?
Well, for starters, you’re first going to be treated to a deluge of shady-ass banners that definitely look like it’ll try to steal your company data from your web server. It’s a bunch of Mandarin characters that promise you’ll get your rocks off. And if you’re too gullible to click on one of those, then you absolutely deserve what’s coming to you.
They also have a banner containing links to their various pages and categories in the site, which is like a shitty version of every other banner you’ll see on any other porn site.
If your brain doesn’t melt from that and you could still stomach scrolling down, then you’ll find a search bar, which leads you to other scams—err—videos from 91porn. And finally, right below that, you’ll find a shitload of shady fucking thumbnails of ches zi doing porn stuff, I guess.
91Porn.com Review: Oh, Those Videos…
When it comes to the quality of 91porn and their videos, well, they’re Chinese, so you could bet your floppy noodle that there’s not a single shred of originality here.
Much like their products (I’m looking at you, Anta and Li Ning), all the themes and settings you’ll see in these videos are ripped off of either Western porn or Japanese porn, which is the true gold standard of Asian porn.
Suffice it to say that if you like Japanese porn but you also like it cheap, shady, low-quality, and thieving, then the videos here would be perfect for your trashy ass.
On the bright side, knowing that there are so many of these Chinese Jinu whoring about on the internet than there are from other countries gives me joy… right before I head over to a proper Asian porn spot.
If there’s one thing this website does right, it’s to show how trashy Chinese porn is, and not in the way that would make you tickle your pickle.
But wouldn’t it be something if we suddenly found out that these Chinese bitches featured on their videos are actually “dissidents” (you know, decent people in their right mind fighting for democracy and human rights) getting punished by their government?
Jeez, I suddenly went to a dark place there. Sorry about that. Hope that’s not the case.
The 91Porn Review Verdict—Drum Roll, Please
Alright, let’s recap.
This website is so Chinese that it tries its damnedest to make it look like it’s NOT Chinese.
It’s so Chinese that its content just rips off porn from other Asian porn genres that are actually good.
It’s so fucking Chinese that there’s a chance it’s going to steal your shit if you click on the wrong link.
This fucking site is so Chinese that Rodrigo Duterte rubs his flaccid dick to it every night while staring at a photo of Xi Jin Ping.
No, I don’t fucking recommend it. Go to a safer, better Asian porn spot like Pornhub’s Asian section or something instead.