iYotTube

I’ve known Iyottube for more than a decade now, so it’s a wonder why only chose to do a review for it just now. Well, this just goes to show how fucking old I am, but that’s neither here nor there.

Point is, you’d think that Asian porn sites like Iyottube.com have reached Hall of fame status even in its native land, given how long it’s been around. But that is not the fucking case at all, because this is a porn site whose status in the Philippines is more marino than it is mainstream.

And honestly, if you ask me, I am so fucking surprised that iyottube.com has stuck around this long, at least long enough for my malibog ass to do a freaking review about it.

So, despite what I say in this review, you can’t take away the fact that similar to Anne Curtis’ titties, Iyottube.com has been floating around, being enjoyed by anak ng putas all over the world.

Filipino Language Lesson Time, Mga Hindot!

Alright, so I’ll assume you don’t speak any Filipino or you’ve been sheltered by your padrino under a rock since you were born. Iyottube is just a play on the Youtube name, but it has some dirty-ass origins. Iyot is a vulgar word for sex in the Philippines. And if you want to be more specific, it comes from the Visayan island of Cebu.

Hey, the more you know and all that.

Naming convention aside, Iyottube is an Asian porn site that specifically offers free Filipino porn videos. And similar to other Pinoy porn sites out there, this hijo de puta is shadier than a Philhealth executive on a goddamn wheelchair (which I hope they break their neck falling over from).

How shady is this fucking place, you ask? Well, I myself couldn’t access this through normal means (i.e. fucking typing its address in my browser); it’s a blocked site. And it’s obviously because this is a place that will definitely steal your data and use it to turn you into an international criminal or something. So, it’s pretty much another online porn version of Rodrigo Duterte’s regime. Fuck that moron.

But you guys know me, and I do my best to give you a goddamn fine review, so I had a “friend” of mine assist me in accessing this WITHOUT getting a good phishing scam out of it. A thorough virus check later and here we are.

So, I’ll tell you this: if you enjoy getting your free videos while fucking dodging some putanginang computer viruses at the same time, then you’ll probably want Iyottube. But if you’re not insane, then stay the fuck away from this place.

Seriously, It’s Not Even That Masarap

Sure, there used to be a time when Iyottube was edgy, and that was around the same time when boys with eyeliners were cool. Nowadays, even the best videos within Iyottube’s content categories are just ones ripped from other, better sites such as Pornhub—no mater how good you think they are. And I can’t stress this enough: always fucking check for viruses whenever you visit it, because it’s dirtier than tamod-covered tae. Whereas other Asian porn sites are content with trying to scam you into clicking a link about penis enlargers or some bullshit, Iyottube goes above and beyond.

THIS FUCKING SITE WILL GIVE YOU VIRUSES LIKE A HOOKER FROM QUEZON AVE.

I am not bullshitting you: the moment Iyottube loaded on my laptop, it didn’t even take three seconds for my antivirus program to tell me that there’s a trojan virus trying to deep-dick its way into my computer.

Jeez.

So, suffice it to say that I’d recommend this if you’re looking for one of the best sites that will absolutely wreck your computer as hard as what Rodrigo Duterte is doing to the archipelago.

You’re going to get totally FUCKED and not in the way you’d enjoy.

This Shit is a Fucking Relic

Iyottube makes use of a design that it ripped off from another ancient porn site, Redtube. It’s good, if we were living in 2010. Oh, what’s that? It’s fucking 2020? Never mind.

And just like the best ancient relics out there, this is one putanginang hayop you wouldn’t want to mess with, because—again—it’ll creampie your computer’s hardware with “content” (a.k.a. viruses). It’s similar to opening a porn version of Tutankhamen’s tomb! FUCK.

So, yeah, Iyottube is the best source for Asian porn videos… if you’re also the kind of person who likes tying their betlog and then repeteadly having hantiks bite the shit out of them.

But There is Hope!

And that comes in the form of GETTING THE FUCK AWAY FROM porn sites like this and sticking to reputable ones.

Seriously, even an ex-con who spent 35 years in solitary confinement couldn’t get hard even with the “good” porn videos on this goddamn porn spot. It will drive ads down your throat the way a barrio priest talking about why his religion is better than the natives’ does. Then, if you think you’re through with the ads, here come the goddamn viruses. And if by some chance, you clear these hurdles, you’d at least expect to get a video of a nice puta getting semen in her eyeballs, right?

NO.

Because we’re dealing with Filipino porn here, and 90% of Filipino porn is within the homemade “scandal” subgenre. That means these are done by a bunch of horny Juans and Juanas who just decided to film themselves fucking one day.

The result? An “A” for effort and a “D” on everything else. Yup, D. Because that’s mostly what you’ll see in these videos if it doesn’t look like the camera is being operated by a person suffering from an epileptic episode.

And it’s rare—so fucking rare—to see the bitches here get their bahay-bata turnt with hot Pinoy semen or at least take it in the face, since most of these videos get cut most of the time right around the point where things start to get good.

Still, I’ve said this before: shitty porn is better than no porn at all.

Also, it’d be unfair if I didn’t commend Iyottube for one thing, and that’s the fact this is a Pinoy porn site that stays true to its roots; it actually features exclusively Filipino content.

Well, that’s the only nice thing about it.

The Iyottube.com Review Verdict—Zip It Up and Just Go Elsewhere

If you have to go through a bunch of bullshit and viruses just to watch blurry images reminiscent of a bad acid trip where you can’t tell if you’re staring at a Pinay’s vagina or Cthulhu’s gaping maw, then fucking pass on this “Asian porn site”.

With a dated design, an overall shitty catalog of videos, shady-ass ads and, worst of all, VIRUSES, Iyottube is as much a shithole as Malacañang Palace ca. 2020. The only difference is, Iyottube doesn’t let any scumbag thieving invaders from the North in.

Oh, and it goes without saying that I don’t recommend this site one bit.